Valentine’s Day, you’ve never been good to me. In fact, you’ve been nothing but awful to me every year. This year probably won’t be different.

Friends, I’m happy for you, but I don’t want to hear how amazing your boyfriends/husbands/random strangers who pay you attention are.

Cuz today I’m a hater, and haters gonna hate.

Whatevs, I’m still gonna rock it today.

Whaaaaat? I gots some packages? And cards? Like, more than one? 

….

Aw, shucks.